My dad has been gone for more than 4 1/2 years now. However, the wounds have yet to heal. It has come to a point where I hate Father's Day as it is too painful a memory and I don't talk about him very much as I get too emotional. I did tear up on one occasion when I followed J into a Hallmark shop as she was going to buy a card for her dad – I felt an overwhelming sadness of seeing those lovely cards of appreciation and no one to give it to.

The more the years go by, the more I think of what I should have said to him (when he was alive) and the regret I feel for not showing my appreciation for his unconditional support/love he gave me throughout my lifetime. To me, it was just taken for granted. I guess I never realized how much he supported me, helped me and how much he was there for me (and the rest of my family) until he was gone.

One (happy) memory is of a birthday gift I bought him one year – it was a Flintstones tie I had saved up and bought with my allowance. He really loved that tie! He could have worn many other expensive ties but he chose to wear mine and he wore it with pride. It was apparent with the several pictures of him wearing it, he just had a gleam in his eye and an extra special smile.

Some of the things I have been thinking about throughout the years (in no particular order):

1. I wish he would have met J my lovely wife. (Dad was supposed to visit us but never made it as he passed away)
2. I wish he came to my wedding (I know he was looking down from above)
3. I wish I got to speak to him when he called and left a message. (He passed away a few days later)
4. I wish we were able to take that skiing trip (we were planning to take together) to Colorado that month instead of me hearing the sad news.
5. I wish he would have seen what I have come to achieve so far.
6. I wish I made a better effort at spending more time with him during my younger days instead of doing so-called (more) important stuff like hanging out with friends.
7. I wish we would have continued going on family trips together after we (my sister and I) left home and were living far apart.
8. I wish I would have told him how sorry I was to cause him headaches & heartaches when I was bad in school, and the things I said and did throughout my lifetime. "Forgive me dad"
9. I wish I said, "Thanks dad for supporting me through thick and thin."
10. I wish I said, "I love you" and that "you are the best dad in the world", never did and I regret it.

"I love you dad. You ARE (and always will be) THE best dad in the world!"